How about suicide???

Given an option, how would you kill yourself? There are broadly two routes; nature induced killings and unnatural suicides involving man-made tools. (Yes, nature has provided us with some very nice arrangements even in this aspect of our lives. And they are cheap and very cost effective)

Hanging yourself/jumping down from an elevated position: These I call nature induced arrangements because in both of them, the earth (or gravity if you so call it), plays the deciding role. They have something which no other technique provides; an instance of complete weightlessness or flight. Now, that sure is unique. Also, in either of them, it is not the flight itself that kills you, but the sudden halt. As long as you are in the air, you remain safe. But when you hit the boundary condition, you’ll break your neck in the first case and break probably everything in your body in the second. Nevertheless, these are very popular approaches prevalent today.

Fire, immolation: This is one of the more friendly ways, you don’t feel much after the first few moments, I’m told. But in those first few moments, when you can still feel, you feel the fire crawling on your skin (like a snail or an eel depending on whether you have poured enough amount of inflammable substances and the kind of clothes you are wearing) its tentacles moving up your sleeve, the flames lashing at you like a serpent’s twin forked tongue, charring your skin…. And you see your skin changing color- from normal to pink to purple to finally a black, leathery texture… and your flesh falling, piece by burnt piece, falling to the ground, and turning to ashes and you realize that soon you will be sharing the fate of that piece of your own tissue. After that you’ll probably feel nothing and go into shock…. peace follows… (If, God forbid, you survive the attempt, then you are in for trouble though. Scarred and disfigured for life with a lot of other draconian effects as well, you better take adequate measures to ensure your success the first time itself!)

Water, drowning: This is a completely different ballpark. Imagine yourself jumping into a river or sea with the intention of ending it once and for all…. And then see the water rushing in to embrace you, to take you in its arms, as if it had been waiting for you, to fill your complete being with itself, to get into your system, to fill your nose, mouth, then your windpipe, then your lungs. Panic sets in and you find yourself unable to see, unable to hear, unable to breathe, but still able to feel…. feel the lack of oxygen in your blood, knowing that cardiac arrest will follow, you feel the immensity of the water surrounding you, feel yourself helpless and puny, feel your life going past you in a jiffy,( because that is all the time you are left with) while you flail, and yes, you will flail, helplessly and uselessly to escape the clutches of an inescapable and an inexorable end.

I think that fire and water have things in common with the human nature... the urge to control for instance, to expand its reign, to control those subordinate to it, with a ruthless ferociousness not matched by any in this world...


Then there are the unnatural/man-made arrangements (with the onward march of mankind, everything became simpler, suicide included).

Poison: This depends heavily on the quality of the brand you are using. Some are known to act pretty quickly while others take their time. There are also different ways of consuming the thing. You might for instance, inject it into your system or consume it by way of the esophagus. And as the poison finds its way to your organs through your veins, running through your blood, corrupting whatever it finds in its way, clawing at your heart, gnawing at your intestines, clutching your guts, holding down your limbs, tearing your brain to shreds, you shouldn’t worry much, it is only short lived (you better make sure you get a fail-safe, tried & tested, full-money-back-guarantee scheme brand, no use in saving money on this count. If you somehow survive the attempt, you’ll probably have to live with a paralyzed body or a mangled and stuck up digestive system or a barely functional respiratory arrangement. Believe me, that’s worse than dying!).

Dagger/Sword or Gun: This has its own loyal brand of followers. The dagger way was made immortal by Shakespeare in his most celebrated play when the beautiful Juliet plunges it into her breast and falls dead beside her Romeo (who, incidentally consumed poison, the play had to have variety!!). A very old technique is Hara-kiri, a Japanese way, no less (whenever you think of innovations, think of the Japanese), is a ceremonial way of killing yourself by cutting open your stomach with a sword. Wow!!! Tearing out and then seeing your own entrails in the open air… What a sight!!!
With a gun of course, things become simpler, all you have to do is pull a trigger, and your brains are blown all over the place…in so many pieces, it would take days to collect all the teeny-weeny bits. But who cares if some of it is left unnoticed and it rots away or feeds some rats. That shouldn’t deter you.


P.S.: The list above is by no means exhaustive and there are numerous more innovative, more intuitive & more romantic ways to take your life. In fact, what I have listed here are the most trite and hackneyed ways of ending your useless life. I’m sure you’ll think up something better…Best of Luck !!!

Sinews of Insanity

This wasn’t supposed to be my debut in this business, but certain events just happened and I couldn’t help writing about them.

The Morning After....

It is five in the morning and it is raining outside. Never thought that I would be up at this ungodly hour in this godforsaken place because of the reason I am.
Cut down to last night. Went on a treat and got drunk like hell. Somehow it felt alright, I mean, this had to happen sometime and I thought my time had come. And the company was the best I could hope to have. I needed this. I needed to get it out of my system. Was probably embarrassed, but what the heck....

I had been a bit dejected for some days. Nothing in particular, just felt like I needed to get rid of some excess baggage which kept clinging on to me as I waded through the muddied waters of life. It felt good not to be in control of myself for a while. To let go of my reins, to know that they would be in safe hands. To trust. Not to be conscious of what people thought of me. To let someone else do the job of anchoring me. To give it all up, to escape reality, if only for a short time. Some vodka & scotch & whisky & beer glasses later, I felt all that and more.

Do I regret it?? Not at all. Feel bad because of the oil stains I have on my new white shirt, though. Could have done without it. Will I do it again?? Probably yes. It was fun. I felt lighter after it all. And that was the idea.

Cheers to all you people: Billoo, Cartoon :), Kal bhai, Shadab, Wayyy, Sahu, Maddy, Sam, Ponds, Polly da, Shravan, Mathav & Jami ra. In this company alone would I do, what I did. It just wouldn’t be the same without you guys....
Special thanks to Shravan, Sam & Polly da (who was pretty much high himself !!) who supported me when I could not... and the rickshaw wala, who carried me when my legs would not....

You were the sinews of my insanity….